Mother...
January 22nd 2007 07:28
:
...poetry...
A brief indulgence if I may and I may...so I am... GOOD TENNIS RAFA, YOU SPUNK! Looking forward to watching you play some more.
Though we may not always see eye to eye, especially of late, this is for my mother in some way...
Mother...
her limbs do not hold the years
as before
the number of her suns
telling in her walk
but with the sinew that still holds
to her bones
she toils with...
Though we may not always see eye to eye, especially of late, this is for my mother in some way...
Mother...
her limbs do not hold the years
as before
the number of her suns
telling in her walk
but with the sinew that still holds
to her bones
she toils with...
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Comment by Nathan P. Mahney
NerdBlog
"but with the sinew that still holds
to her bones
she toils with"
The two 'withs' sound awkward to me. I personally would go with either this:
"but the sinew that still holds
to her bones
she toils with"
or this:
"but with the sinew that still holds
to her bones
she toils"
Hope you're not too upset by my input - I critique because I love! (Oh, and stop looking at tennis players, you!)
Comment by theadora
at the boardroom
Ad Magnum Opus
Truth be known, I struggled with the poem's ending...let me know if you feel the alternate ending i had works better:
she is in the garden pulling weeds.
theadora